Figuring it Out
At some point or another we've all probably said "I need to figure out what I'm going to do with my life." I know I have been there and I have felt so lost when it comes to knowing what my next step is going to be. We place so much pressure on ourselves get the cool job, have the perfect relationship, get the best grades, or buy the new car. We worry about what others think and compare ourselves to the progress and accomplishments of others. My question to you though is, do we really need to "figure it out?"
After graduating college I had no sense of direction in terms of what I wanted to do with my life. I felt as if I was failing to meet these deadlines I had made up in my head or I wasn't sticking to this imaginary schedule I was feeling pressured to follow. I was comparing myself to all my friends who had jobs and knew what they wanted to do when they graduated. But here's the thing: nobody has the same story as you and it doesn't matter what other people are doing.
I want to share some of the things that have helped me overcome this pressure to have everything figured out and to embrace what's happening right here, right now.
1. Change your mindset.
As much as we feel pressured by society and social media, we put way too much pressure on ourselves. The pressure we place on ourselves to figure it out is crippling, but we don't have to think like that. We don't have to place ourselves on a tight schedule that's unrealistic and makes us feel like a failure. A shift in mindset can make such a difference in the way we see things and ultimately lead us to where we are meant to be. Here are two pieces of some journal entries I wrote about eight months apart.
8.5.18.
"I graduated three months ago and I have no idea what I'm going to do. My dad keeps telling me I don't need to know what I'm going to do for the rest of my life because I'm only 21 but the not knowing kills me... I have a lot to figure out. What to do with my life, how to be happy, how to save money."
4.4.19.
"I think something else I think about a lot is how I always feel the need to 'figure out my life' but realistically there's no one thing that life is supposed to be. Life can be so many different things for everyone. I think that life should embody certain principles like love and kindness but there is no specific thing I need to do or have to be. I guess that's part of wanting to control everything. Either way, I'm sorting it out and learning that it's okay, not everything needs a plan."
You guys, I don't know what happened to me in those eight months that helped me change my mindset but holy cow. The past few months have been awesome for me which led me to go back to grad school and pursue a new job as a teacher. When I finally stopped worrying about what needed to be done I was able to take small steps towards what I wanted, without placing it on a strict timeline.
2. You used to wish you would be where you are now.
I feel like by now we've all seen those pictures circulating on social media saying something like, "you used to want to be where you are today so stop wishing it away." But you guys, it's so true. In high school we couldn't wait to get to college and have that freedom and exploration. Then in college things got harder and we couldn't wait to graduate and enter the real world. Honestly, we were dumb for thinking the real world would be better because a lot of the time it sucks. But now here we are in the real world, wishing for the next step to be here right this moment. We have all done it, but why? Why are we so focused on what comes next that we forget to be here, in the present enjoying the things we once wished for? It's easy to slip into this way of thinking but we gotta let it go. And trust me I know how hard it is, I am a hardcore worrier. But at some point or another we have to stop wishing our life away waiting for the next big thing to happen to us and start focusing on what we are doing right here, right now.
3. I'm not really sure that anyone "figures it out."
There are always going to be people out there that seem like they have it all together. And who knows, maybe you're that person to someone else. But in reality I don't think that anyone ever genuinely "figures it out." For example, my parents are splitting and my dad is moving up to Northern Virginia to live closer to me and my sister. When he first started his job in Lynchburg twenty some years ago I'm sure it felt like things were figured out, but life happens. I'd bet he didn't plan on moving three hours away from the life he spent the last two and half decades he created, but he is. My point is, things change and there is absolutely no way to have it all figured it out, so why do we waste our time trying?
I read this really good book recently called Own Your Everyday by Jordan Lee Dooley. It was really awesome and it talked about how we can stop feeling the pressure to prove ourselves to others and start doing life for us. It was a huge confirmation that it's okay to not know, but it's not okay to pressure ourselves into figuring it out overnight. For anyone struggling with these feelings, I highly recommend this book.
Overall, I think it's important that we focus on what's right in front of us and stop trying to know what's going to happen to us or what we need to do for the rest of our lives. We also need to remember that God's plan for us is bigger than anything we could ever dream up on our own. Just in the past two months alone I have gotten into graduate school to pursue my Master's in Education and I was offered a teaching job at a high school teaching chemistry and biology. If you asked me six months ago where I would be right now, I would have never even thought it would be becoming a teacher. But I am here now and I am so grateful that I am. So here's to living for the here and now so we can accept that it's okay to not have everything figured out, because I promise you're not the only one.
Honestly,
H
After graduating college I had no sense of direction in terms of what I wanted to do with my life. I felt as if I was failing to meet these deadlines I had made up in my head or I wasn't sticking to this imaginary schedule I was feeling pressured to follow. I was comparing myself to all my friends who had jobs and knew what they wanted to do when they graduated. But here's the thing: nobody has the same story as you and it doesn't matter what other people are doing.
I want to share some of the things that have helped me overcome this pressure to have everything figured out and to embrace what's happening right here, right now.
1. Change your mindset.
As much as we feel pressured by society and social media, we put way too much pressure on ourselves. The pressure we place on ourselves to figure it out is crippling, but we don't have to think like that. We don't have to place ourselves on a tight schedule that's unrealistic and makes us feel like a failure. A shift in mindset can make such a difference in the way we see things and ultimately lead us to where we are meant to be. Here are two pieces of some journal entries I wrote about eight months apart.
8.5.18.
"I graduated three months ago and I have no idea what I'm going to do. My dad keeps telling me I don't need to know what I'm going to do for the rest of my life because I'm only 21 but the not knowing kills me... I have a lot to figure out. What to do with my life, how to be happy, how to save money."
4.4.19.
"I think something else I think about a lot is how I always feel the need to 'figure out my life' but realistically there's no one thing that life is supposed to be. Life can be so many different things for everyone. I think that life should embody certain principles like love and kindness but there is no specific thing I need to do or have to be. I guess that's part of wanting to control everything. Either way, I'm sorting it out and learning that it's okay, not everything needs a plan."
You guys, I don't know what happened to me in those eight months that helped me change my mindset but holy cow. The past few months have been awesome for me which led me to go back to grad school and pursue a new job as a teacher. When I finally stopped worrying about what needed to be done I was able to take small steps towards what I wanted, without placing it on a strict timeline.
2. You used to wish you would be where you are now.
I feel like by now we've all seen those pictures circulating on social media saying something like, "you used to want to be where you are today so stop wishing it away." But you guys, it's so true. In high school we couldn't wait to get to college and have that freedom and exploration. Then in college things got harder and we couldn't wait to graduate and enter the real world. Honestly, we were dumb for thinking the real world would be better because a lot of the time it sucks. But now here we are in the real world, wishing for the next step to be here right this moment. We have all done it, but why? Why are we so focused on what comes next that we forget to be here, in the present enjoying the things we once wished for? It's easy to slip into this way of thinking but we gotta let it go. And trust me I know how hard it is, I am a hardcore worrier. But at some point or another we have to stop wishing our life away waiting for the next big thing to happen to us and start focusing on what we are doing right here, right now.
3. I'm not really sure that anyone "figures it out."
There are always going to be people out there that seem like they have it all together. And who knows, maybe you're that person to someone else. But in reality I don't think that anyone ever genuinely "figures it out." For example, my parents are splitting and my dad is moving up to Northern Virginia to live closer to me and my sister. When he first started his job in Lynchburg twenty some years ago I'm sure it felt like things were figured out, but life happens. I'd bet he didn't plan on moving three hours away from the life he spent the last two and half decades he created, but he is. My point is, things change and there is absolutely no way to have it all figured it out, so why do we waste our time trying?
I read this really good book recently called Own Your Everyday by Jordan Lee Dooley. It was really awesome and it talked about how we can stop feeling the pressure to prove ourselves to others and start doing life for us. It was a huge confirmation that it's okay to not know, but it's not okay to pressure ourselves into figuring it out overnight. For anyone struggling with these feelings, I highly recommend this book.
Overall, I think it's important that we focus on what's right in front of us and stop trying to know what's going to happen to us or what we need to do for the rest of our lives. We also need to remember that God's plan for us is bigger than anything we could ever dream up on our own. Just in the past two months alone I have gotten into graduate school to pursue my Master's in Education and I was offered a teaching job at a high school teaching chemistry and biology. If you asked me six months ago where I would be right now, I would have never even thought it would be becoming a teacher. But I am here now and I am so grateful that I am. So here's to living for the here and now so we can accept that it's okay to not have everything figured out, because I promise you're not the only one.
Honestly,
H
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