College Was Not the Best Three Years of my Life
Okay y'all, here it is: College sucks a lot sometimes.
Some of you may be thinking, "doesn't she mean four years?" I graduated college in three years because I got my full associate's degree when I was in high school. I really should have graduated in two and a half years, but because I was a chemistry major some of my classes were only offered in the spring. Going the full third year gave me the opportunity to live with some of my best friends in a dorm with a Starbucks in the first floor, work some more with my favorite lab partner, and take some classes just for the heck of it.
Almost anyone you ask will tell you something along the lines of how college will be the best years of your life. But from my experience, I would never tell anyone that. Of course I had those conversations when visiting home "Hailey, how's college?" "Oh, it's good!" And I usually didn't say much else past that.
Don't get me wrong, I loved my school. George Mason is an awesome school that gave me unique opportunities I wouldn't have gotten at other schools. I got to be on the cheerleading team for three years, which is how I met most of my best friends from college. I got to learn from some super smart, experienced professors. I got to have the best lab partner for two years. So it really wasn't anything to do with my school, rather the college experience in general.
For starters, college is lonely. I have always been outgoing, and I've never had a problem making new friends. But college was a whole new territory. I missed my friends and family so much, and no matter how much time passed it was never easier to be away from them. For once in my life, making friends wasn't the simple task it had been for so many years. I'm sure it didn't help that my first roommate didn't like me very much and moved out in October of my first semester. The first real friend I made in college was my friend Isaiah. He was in my calculus class and still decided to be my friend even though I creepily found him on facebook when he left his papers on his desk in class (true story). We got along really well and he was there for me when I needed a friend.
Shortly after I met Isaiah I joined the cheer team. Truth be told, my freshman year cheer team was my favorite team over the three years. That's where I met my roommate for the next two years, Beth, and my best friend Anna. I loved being a part of the cheerleading team and having my teammates as my friends. Overtime I made other friends too and was starting to feel like more of a college girl.
However, being lonely was not the only reason I didn't enjoy college. The next thing that I dealt with is highly personal to me and I don't suspect this will happen to any of y'all, however, it had a major impact on me during my second year of college. Near the end of my fall semester in 2016 I was starting to have really bad leg pains. These pains were concentrated in my ankles, knees, and hips but caused my entire legs to hurt. This was inconvenient for obvious reasons, such as I was right in the middle of cheerleading season, but also the fact that in college you walk everywhere. And it hurt to just walk to class. I thought it would help when I had a break for a month and I wouldn't be as active. Much to my surprise, it was even worse when I got back from break.
I went to the athletic trainers and saw the sports medicine doctors at Mason but they were all pretty stumped as to what was going on. It's pretty uncommon to be experiencing pain in all your joints in both legs at once. I started getting all these blood tests done to see if any of their suspicions were correct.
Meanwhile, I was starting to develop all these other symptoms without knowing they were symptoms of what was going on. I was exhausted no matter how much sleep I got and constantly falling asleep in class. I was freezing cold and my skin was super dry. I was having the hardest time with my classes and I felt like I couldn't remember anything I was learning. I was super emotional and cried every day. I was so frustrated with myself. I was so mad that I couldn't get myself together. I wanted to stop crying all the time and stay awake during my classes. I wanted to do better on my tests because I was studying hard. This whole time I thought I had control over these things when really each struggle was another symptom to go along with my leg pains.
The final diagnosis was that my thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH) levels were low, and it was causing me to experience the symptoms of hypothyroidism. Symptoms of hypothyroidism include:
Over the summer of 2017 I thought I was getting back on the right track but something inside me still didn't feel good. I was taking a summer class with one of my favorite professors, reading tons of good books, and living alone at my friends apartment (Thanks, Anna!). I went back to the doctor and I told her, "I thought I was getting better, but I still don't feel good. I don't know if the medicine isn't working or if it's something else. I just want to feel better." After asking me some questions she told me I was struggling with depression.
I was shocked. It definitely made sense, but that is not what I was expecting her to say to me at all. At first, I would say I was a bit more depressed after finding out. I never thought I would be a person that struggled with mental health and had to take medicine for depression. I was always so happy. Then it all started to sink in. I really wasn't that happy anymore but I had absolutely no idea what to do about it. I wasn't even sure if there was something I could do about it.
So here I was, going into my senior year of college struggling with depression and having no clue what I wanted to do with my life. I didn't do much of anything that fall semester. I was always hiding in my room telling people, "Sorry I can't" no matter what they were asking me to do. It was hard for me not to have the energy to go out and hang out with friends. I even lost a lot of friends during this time. It was hard having "friends" that would say they missed me but never actually reach out to see if I was okay. Some people did reach out but I turned them down so many times they stopped, which I get.
Luckily I had my roommates, Eli, Gabri, and Beth, plus our honorary roommate Kate, to support me and some friends from my classes. I hung out the most with my friend Michael. We had most of the same classes and he was my lab partner for two years. What a guy. I am the worst when it comes to doing stuff on time and being prepared but he always helped me catch up whenever I was slacking. He would help me study for tests the night before (my specialty) and write lab reports right before they were due. In the spring semester we did a project together where we remade the song Baby by Justin Bieber. It was awful but hilarious. He was always there to keep pushing me through when I felt like I couldn't do anymore work.
By the spring semester I was doing better but still not great. And now the pressure was on because I was graduating in three months and I still wasn't sure what I was going to do. I had thought I wanted to go to pharmacy school but not right away. I applied for a ton of chemistry related jobs and in the end I didn't get an interview for a single one. The job I did get an interview for was pharmacy technician. I wasn't overly thrilled, but it was a job and I did want to do pharmacy.
The not knowing was hard. I didn't like not having a plan. It was hard to be confident in my abilities when I applied for countless jobs and didn't get any of them. There is a lot of uncertainty in college. Will I make friends? Will I get to register for the classes I need? Will my classes be too hard? Will I be able to get the job that I want? Will I even know what I want?
So sometimes college sucks. For me, it wasn't an overall enjoyable experience. There were definitely great parts, but if I could do it again I wouldn't. I'm really glad I graduated in three years, because I don't know if I could have handled a fourth. Despite the bad experience, I'm glad it happened. I learned a lot, and I'm better because of it. I'm thankful for the people that I met and the good friends I made. Now onto the future, which may or may not include grad school.
Honestly,
H
Some of you may be thinking, "doesn't she mean four years?" I graduated college in three years because I got my full associate's degree when I was in high school. I really should have graduated in two and a half years, but because I was a chemistry major some of my classes were only offered in the spring. Going the full third year gave me the opportunity to live with some of my best friends in a dorm with a Starbucks in the first floor, work some more with my favorite lab partner, and take some classes just for the heck of it.Almost anyone you ask will tell you something along the lines of how college will be the best years of your life. But from my experience, I would never tell anyone that. Of course I had those conversations when visiting home "Hailey, how's college?" "Oh, it's good!" And I usually didn't say much else past that.
Don't get me wrong, I loved my school. George Mason is an awesome school that gave me unique opportunities I wouldn't have gotten at other schools. I got to be on the cheerleading team for three years, which is how I met most of my best friends from college. I got to learn from some super smart, experienced professors. I got to have the best lab partner for two years. So it really wasn't anything to do with my school, rather the college experience in general.
 |
| Isaiah and I making Christmas cookies. It was his first time! |
 |
| My roommate Beth and I at one of our events. |
However, being lonely was not the only reason I didn't enjoy college. The next thing that I dealt with is highly personal to me and I don't suspect this will happen to any of y'all, however, it had a major impact on me during my second year of college. Near the end of my fall semester in 2016 I was starting to have really bad leg pains. These pains were concentrated in my ankles, knees, and hips but caused my entire legs to hurt. This was inconvenient for obvious reasons, such as I was right in the middle of cheerleading season, but also the fact that in college you walk everywhere. And it hurt to just walk to class. I thought it would help when I had a break for a month and I wouldn't be as active. Much to my surprise, it was even worse when I got back from break.
I went to the athletic trainers and saw the sports medicine doctors at Mason but they were all pretty stumped as to what was going on. It's pretty uncommon to be experiencing pain in all your joints in both legs at once. I started getting all these blood tests done to see if any of their suspicions were correct.
Meanwhile, I was starting to develop all these other symptoms without knowing they were symptoms of what was going on. I was exhausted no matter how much sleep I got and constantly falling asleep in class. I was freezing cold and my skin was super dry. I was having the hardest time with my classes and I felt like I couldn't remember anything I was learning. I was super emotional and cried every day. I was so frustrated with myself. I was so mad that I couldn't get myself together. I wanted to stop crying all the time and stay awake during my classes. I wanted to do better on my tests because I was studying hard. This whole time I thought I had control over these things when really each struggle was another symptom to go along with my leg pains.
The final diagnosis was that my thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH) levels were low, and it was causing me to experience the symptoms of hypothyroidism. Symptoms of hypothyroidism include:
- fatigue
- increased sensitivity to cold
- dry skin
- muscle weakness/aches
- pain in your joints
- depression
- impaired memory
Over the summer of 2017 I thought I was getting back on the right track but something inside me still didn't feel good. I was taking a summer class with one of my favorite professors, reading tons of good books, and living alone at my friends apartment (Thanks, Anna!). I went back to the doctor and I told her, "I thought I was getting better, but I still don't feel good. I don't know if the medicine isn't working or if it's something else. I just want to feel better." After asking me some questions she told me I was struggling with depression.
I was shocked. It definitely made sense, but that is not what I was expecting her to say to me at all. At first, I would say I was a bit more depressed after finding out. I never thought I would be a person that struggled with mental health and had to take medicine for depression. I was always so happy. Then it all started to sink in. I really wasn't that happy anymore but I had absolutely no idea what to do about it. I wasn't even sure if there was something I could do about it.
 |
| Roomies from my senior year! |
Luckily I had my roommates, Eli, Gabri, and Beth, plus our honorary roommate Kate, to support me and some friends from my classes. I hung out the most with my friend Michael. We had most of the same classes and he was my lab partner for two years. What a guy. I am the worst when it comes to doing stuff on time and being prepared but he always helped me catch up whenever I was slacking. He would help me study for tests the night before (my specialty) and write lab reports right before they were due. In the spring semester we did a project together where we remade the song Baby by Justin Bieber. It was awful but hilarious. He was always there to keep pushing me through when I felt like I couldn't do anymore work.By the spring semester I was doing better but still not great. And now the pressure was on because I was graduating in three months and I still wasn't sure what I was going to do. I had thought I wanted to go to pharmacy school but not right away. I applied for a ton of chemistry related jobs and in the end I didn't get an interview for a single one. The job I did get an interview for was pharmacy technician. I wasn't overly thrilled, but it was a job and I did want to do pharmacy.
The not knowing was hard. I didn't like not having a plan. It was hard to be confident in my abilities when I applied for countless jobs and didn't get any of them. There is a lot of uncertainty in college. Will I make friends? Will I get to register for the classes I need? Will my classes be too hard? Will I be able to get the job that I want? Will I even know what I want?
So sometimes college sucks. For me, it wasn't an overall enjoyable experience. There were definitely great parts, but if I could do it again I wouldn't. I'm really glad I graduated in three years, because I don't know if I could have handled a fourth. Despite the bad experience, I'm glad it happened. I learned a lot, and I'm better because of it. I'm thankful for the people that I met and the good friends I made. Now onto the future, which may or may not include grad school.
Honestly,
H
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